Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!?

NO! NO! NO!

Most zombie movies just straight up suck, and this is one of them.

Basically an even lamer knock-off of the already deritative, yet fun, Zombie Strippers, Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! has nothing going for it but a name that is a lot of fun to say out loud.

Seriously, there is absolutely nothing redeeming about this film. I'm not even going to waste my time talking about it. I wasted enough of my life watching it.

Run, don't walk, as far away as possible.

Dance of the Dead - The Ironic Zombie Comedy done RIGHT

Dance of the Dead looks kinda stupid. I think that's fair to say.
You get the impression that's it going to be a mediocre teen comedy with a few zombies thrown in for good measure, or some kind of already doubly-derivative, simply by name, Shaun of the Dead for the tween crowd.
That would be a tragedy, though, because Dance of the Dead is actually a pretty decent movie, and a pretty awesome zombie movie.
With tongue planted so firmly in cheek it's practically poking out through the skin, Dance of the Dead leads off with all the genre conventions, and slyly subverts them just enough to keep us interested. There's the likable slacker, the bully who will end up as ally, the asshole teacher who is going to die in 5 seconds, the immaculate love interest, the friend who you know won't quite make it.
It also manages to play to the tropes of teen comedies pretty well, but clever writing and all around decent acting keep things moving along.
When the inevitable zombie outbreak occurs, the film really takes off. Regardless of what it's actual budget was ( I believe quite small) it manages to pull off that low-budget look while having inventive and squeal-inducing gore. They cut-away a lot, and obscure quite a bit, but it's all well done.
It flounders a bit in the climax, as many of these films do- but even that's not much of misstep, and this film is simply so much fun to watch, it more then makes up for it.
Simply put, in terms of zombie comedies, there aren't many better.

Dance of the Dead - 2008
Directed by Gregg Bishop
Written by Joe Ballarini
Starring Jared Kusnitz, Chandler Darby, Greyson Chadwick, Justin Welborn

Dead Sno (Død snø) - NAZI ZOMBIES MUST DIE

Dead Snow, or 'Død Snø' as it's known in its home country of Norway, is a cut above most b-level horror comedies...but that is, in some ways, like being king of the lepers. Sure, you're royalty, but nobody actually wants to touch you..

Perhaps I'm being a bit too harsh- It's not a bad film, by any means. But let's be honest- there are so many terrible horror, and zombie films, that a mere decent one looks brilliant by comparison.

That's not to say that Dead Snow isn't worth a rent- or even a bargain buy. It's funny in parts, and it is at least entertaining to watch. The novelty value alone is tremendous. Casually let slip you have a movie with zombified nazis at the next office party, and watch women throw themselves at you, and men throw themselves at your TV, with reckless abandon.

But Dead Snow makes the common mistake of spending too much winking and nodding at the audience, reveling in the fact that's a movie with zombies made by film nerds, instead of ACTUALLY BEING A ZOMBIE MOVIE. There's far too many haphazardly worked-in references to genre classics that do little but make you think fondly of the other films and pull you out of the movie for a while.

And while it slyly acknowledges the usually poorly executed common tropes of these sorts of films- i.e, the 'mysterious stranger,' the scene where everyone gets weapons, the quickly dispensed with attempts at character building- it still ends up running us through them, and doesn't really take advantage of it's unique set-up to make them terribly interesting.

All that being said, Dead Snow is a fun zombie movie, with hints of being better then average, which is perhaps why, when it didn't quite make it, it disappointed me so much.

One thing that does not disappoint, though, is the Nazi Zombies themselves, when the finally arrive in a meaningful way. Excellent costumes and makeup, and a lot of really creative and spirited blood and violence kick the last half of the film up a big notch. This is one of those films where you'll find yourself frequently grabbing various parts of your body in sympathy as the actors get ripped and torn apart on the screen in various uncomfortable ways.

However, when it comes down to it, it takes far too long to get to that period of violence and real creativity, especially since a lot of the film is not terribly important and just there to fulfull some horror cliches with a knowing, but not quite understanding, wink.

You could certainly do worse, but you could definetly do better.

Dead Snow (Død snø, 2009)
Directed by Tommy Wirkola
Written by Tommy Wirkola and Stir Frig Henriksen
Starring Vegar Hoel, Stir Frig Henriksen, Charlotte Frogner, Lasse Valdal.

Dead Girl

Something terrible is probably in that room.

Dead Girl bills itself as a 'new horror classic' and a 'genre-busting experience' and while that sounds a bit arrogant, it is in some ways true. It's a solid movie, it's easily one of the better and more innovative horror films of the last few years, and it manages to make the well-worn coming-of-age plot seem fresh and relevant without beating you over the head with it, most of the time. 

It starts a little rough. The two main characters, a fast talking asshole named JT and his moody, young-Johhny-Depp-channeling sidekick Rickie, spend the intro lounging around at the high school making the 'duck face' at girls and looking like complete douche bags. However, once they decide to skip class to wander around abandoned buildings and throw 40oz's at walls, the film switches gears and they become either more relateable, or more tolerable. Either way, the intro may contain a few missteps, but this film picks up in a few minutes and doesn't let go.

By and large, this is a movie about growing up. We see Rickie have issues with girls, with his parents, with, as the plot progresses, his friends. The only things that make these stale themes interesting in this film is the way they tie in to the titular 'Dead Girl.'

I'm just going to say this, and it really isn't a spoiler. Anyone who'se seen the box and read the tagline -'You never forget your first time' - knows what this movie is about. It's about people having sex with a female zombie. It's not particularly graphic in terms of what it shows during the necrophiliac lovemaking, but it's not a movie you'd want to watch with your grandparents, or anyone you ever want to have sex with.

The film uses the Dead Girl for all sorts of explorations into the nature of relationships, of sex, of crazy teenage hormones and the mess they can make. To it's credit, it doesn't beat you over the head with much, choosing instead to imply and throw together a few quirky events that tie together well. 

Luckily, people are starting to realize that, at this point, we've seen zombie movies before. We're tired of watching zombies attack people taking shelter in a house. This is one of the first sort of new zombie movies to take that idea to heart- to create a film about something in which zombies happen to be in, instead of a film where the mere presence of zombies is supposed to be enough. 



Dead Girl (2009)

Directed by Gadi Harel, Marcel Sarmiento.

Written by Trent Haaga.

Starring Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Segan, Jenny Spain, Michael Bowen, Candice Accola.