Drunkenly analyzing the trailer for The Crazies

(edit: When I wrote this, I had no idea The Crazies was a remake. Should have guessed though- pretty much everything is nowadays.)

With The Crazies opening in a few days, I thought I'd take another look at the trailer and see what sort of sweeping generalizations about the film I can make whilst still having enough time to actually see the film in question and remember doing this.

Even if I'm doing it drunk.

Here is the trailer:

So, I think we can safely say the movie isn't really about zombies. I actually didn't predict that, I just came across a spoiler.

But it seems pretty evident that there is some sort of something making people insane, some of whom will manifest it by staring straight ahead for hours and moaning, or pretending to be dead in a morgue so that people who LIKE zombie movies will come to theatres to watch this film. But let's be honest- most of those people were probably going to come anyway.

According to IMDB, the people start going insane after the water supply is contaminated by an unknown toxin. That leaves as the villain either terrorists, which would be a really silly plot point, or the government, which is the go-to antagonist for films such as these. Judging from that whole make-shift hospital setup we can probably assume that it's some sort of black-ops military government thing. If this movie is really super lame, that might even be the big twist.

My guess is, it'll start with the main character, who we'll call Sheriff, and his Wife, who we'll call Wife, waking up. There will be some sort of relationship building thing- maybe they lost a kid, maybe they really love each other, maybe their will be a gratuitous sex scene, maybe their relationship is on the rocks and this calamity is going to save it, who knows.

Then, he gets a phone call, goes to work, and wowie, this day is weird. They'll drop little hints that things are going batshit nuts, and it'll probably get sort of maddening waiting for the the actual attacks to begin, depending on how much of this film is filler or not. Prepare for lots of people to be staring straight ahead while everyone else's scratches their faces and wonders 'what the heck is going on around here, eh, doncha know?'

And then, it all goes to hell. Probably simultaneously the wife and the husband get attacked in their separate locations, eventually find their way to each other, begin to flee with other survivors (who have somehow avoided using the towns water supply. BOTTLED WATER FTW), lose a few people, and then have an accident, or a wreck.

Somehow, they become separated, and the wife is kidnapped by these government goons. He has to rescue her, along the way there is some slight social commentary on the out-on-control military-industrial-complex, they escape, depending on what kind of film it is he might die, or she might be infected with something and they can only share one last embrace before he has to kill her.

The last shot of the film is who ever is left alive reaching some sort of place they think is safe, only to have the camera linger over some tell-tale sign that the infection is spreading, or they've moved out of the proverbial frying pan and into the HOLY SHIT WE'RE FUCKED.

Yep, that's The Crazies. We'll just have to wait a few days to see how close my epic drunken vision is to reality.